Thursday, 24 April 2008

Once more with photo

I'm really struggling to maintain the blog at the moment. It feels like a constant afterthought and for the last fortnight I have not felt good. I know I mentioned the job interview in my last post but since then I'm having problems and I just seem unable to lift my mood. On a rational level I know that I did well and it probably was a jump too far, but on an emotional level it's left me feeling really unsure of myself and wondering what to do next.

I'm finding it difficult to stir myself into any enthusiasm for work. I do love my job but I feel I've gone as far as I can at this particular school and I feel trapped. People say it's a minor blip and I'll recover and that great opportunities will come my way. I'm sure they're right. But in the meantime I'm wondering where the opportunity will come from. Languages are being squeezed at so many schools so the political and educational climates don't make my situation any better.

I went away with some friends last weekend. I enjoyed parts of it but during much of the time I felt really unsociable and out of sorts. I ended up coming home early because I was so aware of how miserable I must seem to other people and I just didn't want to spoil their fun.

My good friend from Australia has been here this week and I've spent much of today with her. It's been lovely to see her again, but she flies tomorrow and it will be August before I see her again. All of this has compounded how I'm feeling at the moment and I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I just can't do that British thing and snap out of it. I could have gone out knitting today but it just didn't feel like a good idea. Instead I'm at home, twiddling my thumbs, feeling tired, lethargic and low.

There has been a small success this week. I've knitted a sock with my own sock yarn. It's not perfect, and nor was it going to be, but it's satisfactory enough and is certainly wearable. It's Cheviot wool and I dyed the pink and the purple, spun them and then plied them. This sock is for Shona. Although knowing her keen sense of fashion, it might not be quite right.

It's five weeks today since I had the spinning lesson, so I've done well overall. I'm sure I'll improve and eventually lose the irregular feel to the yarn. It has been satisfying and I've been buying some bits and pieces to do next. I think I'll do some more dyeing on Sunday and start with my next lot of spinning soon after.

In the meantime, the end of the week is in sight and the teachers' strike came at the right moment for me. I know there are bigger issues to the strike but I have just needed time out.


Anonymous said...

How good is that??!! In five weeks you have a sock that you did from scratch! WELL DONE!

Work wise. Don't think too much. If you think too much, it all gets horribly complicated. What you can think is, I have a job and it pays the bills and gives me a bit of spending money (ha?). You can also think, while I have this security, I can keep a look out for what everyone is telling me - the perfect job. It will surely come along, but in its own damn time. Go with the flow. You've done all you can. You've done nothing wrong. You will be rewarded. Here endeth my preach!

Caroline M said...

I think that you would have been better going out, having something different to chat about would have taken your mind off it. It's only natural to feel a bit down after your efforts.

I'm sure that Shona will love her socks - I should set her on dyeing her own in the next holidays. I told you that you'd be making socks from your yarn very shortly.